Dinner with an old friend...

I went out to dinner this week with an old friend of 20 yrs. It was great to see her and talk to her, but I was dismayed that our relationship is not as close as it used to be. I think the demands and challenges of our primary relationships and responsibilities have made it difficult to maintain our former level of trust and openness. I mourn this.

She is a friend from what I consider to be my second set of formative years. I left home at such a young age that I still had a lot of growing up to do. She was such a part of those years that I feel she is a part of me- and we were, and I think probably still are, a lot alike. One time her grandfather mistook me for her until he got close enough to speak to me. She has more capacity for devotion and loyalty than anyone I have ever known except a few members of my family. My older children think of her and her family in the same way as they do their Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. My boys still love the Paddington books she gave us when the girls were young.

It was really good to see her. She was wearing 'skinny leg' jeans. I am thrilled that we have lived long enough to be back to a style we wore as teens. She never used to throw away her old clothes and I think it a serious possibility that she was actually wearing the same jeans she wore as a teenager. She looked great.

I felt, in spite of the difference I sensed in our friendship, that I wanted to chat and share as openly as we used to. As I get older, I find it harder to form really close friendships. It feels arduous to try to fill someone in on the back story and because of the time demands of family and life, it just takes longer to become close to someone. I have made some good friends here and expect those relationships to grow, but I also crave the closeness of those friends I have known for a long time. I wonder how to get to where I want to be with my friend in spite of life and its endless challenges and changes?